


put that thing back where it came from (or so help me)

by triplesalto



Category: Doctor Who (2005), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types
Genre: Crossover, Extra Treat, Gen, Stealth Crossover, Team TARDIS, mother-daughter bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-26 19:19:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12564392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triplesalto/pseuds/triplesalto
Summary: River's an archaeologist with a cavalier approach to personal property. Of course she keeps souvenirs.





	put that thing back where it came from (or so help me)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NancyBrown](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NancyBrown/gifts).



The day Amy finds River’s treasure room, she stands in the doorway with her arms folded over her chest, surveying River’s display cases with a disapproving glare.

“Relax,” River says, laughing. “I don’t take any souvenirs their worlds will miss. Well, not much.”

The TARDIS burbles unhappily. She’s been protecting the treasure room for her space daughter – she has a much more sanguine attitude towards stealing than the Doctor does, and for good reason, given that she stole him in the first place – and she wants River to know that it wasn’t _her_ who spilled the beans. It was River’s elaborate casualness at breakfast that raised Amy’s curiosity to fever pitch and made her come looking.

“Just exploring isn’t enough?” Amy asks, finally, looking at the exquisite Titian that hangs on her wall. Hey, River got that one without stealing. She was the painter’s muse for three delightful weeks. 

“Nope,” River says, cheerfully. “I’m an _archaeologist_ , dear. We’re like magpies.”

Finally Amy relaxes, breaking into a smile. “I was just teasing. The Doctor might disapprove, but I don’t. C’mon, show me around!”

River introduces her to a robot kitten named Hal, a sculpture of the Goddess Pyraxia that has a very Riverian cast to her features, a box that contains the codes for eighteen nuclear warheads, an unhatched dragon egg (“don’t worry, it’s in a containment field”), and love letters from an Empress and three certified geniuses. 

Finally they come to River’s jewel cabinet, and Amy gets stars in her eyes. “Wow.”

River does like jewelry. She likes exploding things and throwing herself headfirst into danger and getting all sorts of grubby dirt under her fingernails on her more literal digs, but she also likes beautiful gowns and inspired hairdressing and flashily gorgeous jewelry. She’s well-rounded. 

Now she picks up one of her favourite pieces. “The Diadem of Tulloch IX,” she says, stroking its curve. “The Tulloch gave this to me herself. Technically she only meant for that one ball, but I have the key to a time machine, I’ll pop it back in her safe whenever I want.” Yielding to a sudden urge, she places it on Amy’s head. It looks beautiful set against the red of Amy’s hair. 

Amy points to another of River’s treasures. “What’s that one?”

River smiles. “If the TARDIS hadn’t protected this room, that one might cause a small temporal anomaly. The Doctor will give that to me after Jim the Fish. It’s made out of fishscale pearl, see?”

Amy sighs. “I’m trying hard not to be jealous, River.”

River grins.

Suddenly Amy frowns, a line appearing between her brows. “That one,” she says. “It feels funny.”

River looks where she’s indicating, right down at the back of one of the drawers. “Yes,” she says, thoughtfully. “Maybe I should return that one. Lately I’ve started to feel like it’s talking to me, which isn’t usually a good sign.”

“Talking to you?” Amy is intrigued. “What does it say? ‘Put me back, I belong to the Queen of England’?”

“Nothing so useful! It says ‘I see you’.”

Amy shivers. “Okay, I’m definitely on the side of ‘put that ring back where you found it’.”

“I suppose I should listen to my mother,” River says, winking, and shuts the drawer. Oh well, it won’t be a problem to swing back by, where was it, Middle Earth. She’ll visit that beautiful elf named Galadriel. 

“Now let’s go find Rory and the Doctor,” Amy says, “before they come looking for us. Rory’s all honest and law-abiding, he’d think he was a bad father if he didn’t disapprove of your cavalier approach to personal property.”

River laughs fondly. Amy’s right, of course. But before they go – “You’ll have to leave the Diadem of Tulloch IX,” she says, plucking it from Amy’s hair and replacing it in its bed of velvet. “They just _might_ notice if you walk into the console room wearing it.”

“Damn,” Amy says, mock-mournfully. 

“I’ll get you a diadem for Christmas,” River says. 

“Done,” Amy says, and they leave River’s treasure room arm in arm.


End file.
